Sheikh Rashid

Sheikh Rashid’s Prayer

Posted on March 17, 2007. Filed under: Chief Justice of Pakistan, Humour, Politics, Sheikh Rashid |

“ Oh Allah, how humble I feel before your grace today. My knees are shaking, my head unable to erect and my eyes unable to shut off tears. Today I bow to your infinite wisdom, for it is only you who gives and takes away all worldly things; fortune, fame and hair.

There were days when I was the minister of information. My nation was fortunate to watch my rugged Kashmiri looks everyday on T.V and newspapers. My manly voice made many a women shake, for I was the liaison between the government and the people of Pakistan. Main mouthpiece they called me, a distinction I wore with honor and pride. I was “the man” of the government. You tested my skills with many in swinging yorkers, the nationwide agitation of MMA, Kalabagh Dam and Taliban to name a few, but I flicked them with no more than a small movement of my tongue straight to the boundary. Every night when I came home (sometimes even my own home) I used to unwind by turning the T.V on and watching myself on the screen. It not only soothed me but my servant tells me that it soothed millions of people in Pakistan as well. I will always be thankful to you for choosing me to become your gift to Pakistan.

I had held many other portfolios before Information ministry. Most important of them probably my assignment as the minister of culture. I had the film industry under me, both literally and figuratively. I am thankful to you for that but Information ministry always felt like my real calling. I was made to do that.

Then that awful day came when I was told that I would no longer be the information minister of Pakistan. I felt as if my life had come crashing down. I was angry, I was hopeless and I felt cheated. How can I be replaced? Have they found another Kashmiri to take my place? Whose voice will keep the men informed and women dreaming after I left? I had questions and concerns regarding the serious mistake the government had made.

I thought complaining to you then thought better of it. How can a mere mortal complain to you Almighty? My Pir told me that I could in fact complain to you. If it is okay for Alama Iqbal to do so then it must be okay for me since Alama and myself are both Kashmiris by your grace. I could not argue with that logic even though I had a lot of practice arguing against logic from my previous job. I came to you, I complained, I cried. I even begged for a good appointment next. I went to my Pir and told him that I had complained to you. In response he said that there must be some divine logic behind the decision. Now I am a very, very intelligent person but I could not see how there could be a silver lining behind this cloud. I was humiliated especially when other cabinet members started mocking me in cabinet meetings by making the sounds of whistling train engine. It was over for me. I knew that you didn’t listen to my begging and praying.

Then came March 9th, 2007. A day that will forever live in infamy. General sacked the Chief Justice. All the mouthpieces of the government were busy explaining the constitutionality of the decision and trying to justify the actions. A little voice inside told me that maybe this is the divine reasoning my Pir Sahib was talking about, but being very, very intelligent I shrugged it off. Now being so very, very intelligent I knew that this thing will be over soon. No one would care and the issue will die during the weekend. Boy o boy was I wrong!

March 13th, 2007 started normally. I woke up, stared at myself in the mirror for an hour like I do everyday. Had my usual breakfast of a dozen puris and went to the office. What happened between 11.45 A.M and 2 P.M made my jaw drop. First time in my life my mouth was open so wide without having food near it. The screams of divine reasoning, divine reasoning, divine reasoning rang in my mind. My knees buckled and I dropped on the floor. All I could recite was I am glad I am not the information minister over and over again. How could I have defended that in the media? I was humbled my lord, by your divine intervention designed to save my dignity or whatever I have left of it. Just as I was about to stand up after three days of thanking you profusely I heard the news of GEO office been raided and vandalized by the police. Oh lord seems like another three days of thanks are due.

I am planning on wearing a torn black jacket to the next cabinet meeting to mock Mr. Durrani who used to make fun of me with the whistle. Now I would love to see what you have in the box for him. As for me, I will never find enough courage to complain to you again. Even if I am granted the ministry of religious affairs.”

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